001: Realities

Hijrah is a topic is a topic that I’ve been thinking about for years now, actually. For the past three years.

Admittedly, the first two years it was mostly a kind of passive thought: it was something that I had ascertained that I wanted for my future (in sha’ Allah), and I would do “passive research.” Look up costs of living, things like that. But it wasn’t a firm intention. It wasn’t something that I was actively taking steps to achieve until about—I would say, about a year ago.

That’s around the time that I really started to look at things like housing, things like cargo/freight shipping costs, looking at my income, seeing how I would be able to manage, and kind of going from there. Working towards giving myself a deadline to actually make hijrah and not just talk about making hijrah. To be honest, I was getting frustrated and fed up with myself that the planning stage was becoming so extended.

So yea, by the permission of Allah, it’s something that I have a firm intention to make. I’ve had to push back my actual date by a little bit, but alhamdulillah, it’s for a good reason. I have the opportunity to go and visit the country, and doing this will allow me to set things in place beforehand. Line up my housing, look at the neighborhoods, make sure that what I’m seeing online is actually the reality on the ground…because that’s something that you do have to be very careful about. Especially when you’re looking at moving abroad.

So yea…hijrah has just been something that’s been mine on my mind a lot, and I’ve had an opportunity to really contemplate a lot of things associated with it. With it being such a tangible reality, by the permission of Allah, now, y’know there are real-world considerations that I have to think about.

I’m somebody who’s very close with my family and…being a quick flight or in driving distance is very different from being on the other side of the world. With hijrah, and being a woman, I wouldn’t really be able to travel to visit them—certainly not by myself. So I’ve been thinking about and making peace with the fact that…most likely, I won’t be able…to have those family moments that I really cherish. Ramadan with the family. Eid. And my parents are getting older too, so being physically present to help them… [pause] These are really things that I had taken for granted!

By you know in sha’ Allah, once I move, it’s possible that it will create an avenue for my siblings and my parents to follow suit. Sometimes you have to be the trailblazer and kind of let people see the possibility.

It’s hard to think about not being able to be in my nephews’ lives. I really value that relationship with them.

I’ve also been having to work through the realities of living in a foreign country alone. Obviously, I’ve spent most of my adult life, here in the States, living by myself. But it’s different when you grow up somewhere and you know all the ins and outs…if something happens, you know exactly what to do. But subhanallah—safety and security are from Allah.

A lot of times, I think when people think of these things like hijrah, it’s a “concept,” right? It’s kind of very “larger than life.” And it’s kind of easy to forget the day-to-day realities:

• Sitting in an apartment, alone. Everything that goes “bump” in the night—could be anything!
• Time zone differences…that makes it difficult to even communicate with the people you leave behind.
• The kind of day-to-day, hour-by-hour isolation

I’m not typically somebody who gets lonely when I’m alone. But again, in the past, it’s always been that my support system was always in easy reach. So it wasn’t like if I needed somebody, I couldn’t reach out. So that’s going to be different.

I think it’s important to talk about these things because—the fears are real. Especially when you’re kind of going at it solo. It’s different if you have a husband or if your family is accompanying you. But when you’re doing things alone, the burden of everything just falls on you. Including the emotional toll. You don’t really have anyone that you can commiserate with.

I’m just giving voice to these things because they’ve been on my mind for the past couple of weeks. And if anyone else is contemplating taking the leap—it’s ok! It’s ok to feel this way, to have fears, and to take some time to think pragmatically about what it’s gonna be like and to not glamorize it.

The reward for hijrah is huge because the sacrifice is huge. You leave behind everything you know, everyone you know. It’s really kind of…a deep unknown.

But that’s ok, you don’t have to have it all figured out. You don’t have to feel gung-ho all the time. The important thing is to be sincere with Allah, to make that sincere intention, and then put your trust in Allah. Tie your camel, take your means, do your research. One step at a time.

May Allah allow us to show gratitude for all of our blessings, every single day. Ameen.